I need at accept there will be bad times in relationships and friendships. I miss a lot of things deeply but the thing miss the most isn’t myself or who I used to be but the security I used to have in me. I was secure enough to handle anything including other peoples bull. There are things I need to cut off and things I need to change. Discerning which is the tough part.
It was a matter of time before you found a reason to distance yourself k, I just gave you a valid one this time. While you are missed I’m glad you can do your own thing without looking back
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I must clear my mind and see the truths no matter how ugly they are get back to the core
In the wee hours of dawn. I am left alone with my thoughts unguarded defenses down. It’s sober and somber yet dark. My mind exudes questions and feelings and judgement rails upon me. I desire true clarity and freedom from desire not to be unwanting like followers of Buddha but to not desire so much and I want to be better than myself, Stronger Wiser better much better.
The first step starts with loving me enough to respect my self and my body. I hope you are well me.
There are some dumb thoughts here and i guess it’s healthy to get them out and see where they stem. I would love to apologize and makeup with the ex-friend but honestly I’d rather grow myself first. There is a lot wrong with me and I would rather fix that than try and mend a fresh wound. She was very important to me and Her reason for leaving are not invalid. She saw some very problematic behavior coming from my end and Called me on it and instead of saying I’m in a toxic situation and I’m responding to it with toxicity I instead told her to pretty much go fuck herself which is not something you do to a friend. especially not someone you cared about. She thinks I don’t care about her and it’s quite the opposite. I’m not in love with her anymore I’ve overcame that and moved on from the boyhood crush but that was someone I cared about and I should have acted like it.
Ironically, I have no desire for the nudes now and it’s like damn fleeting feeling WTF
There is a void that is caused by monogamy because of balance, How you feel this void determines how your relationship pans out. I have to be a much stronger man.. Much Stronger. even If I don’t have the fort to end this i should at least do better on all ends. Hurting people isn’t the way. Using people isn’t the way. You better yourself and help those around you and those who choose to accept you into their life.
How does one fuck up such a simple dynamic. It’s very simple but you choose to fuck it up why? What the fuck ever do you.